I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
