Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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