remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
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i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
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I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize