did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
