wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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