you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Semen is not good for contacts.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
