Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
