I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
