All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
