Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
