Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.