I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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