Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
