Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Your dad touched me again.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
