Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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