I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
