I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
