I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
