Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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