The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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