He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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