OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
