it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
