Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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