Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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