I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize