I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
