He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
