We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
