rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
