i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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