so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
