I forgot how hot balto sounded
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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