I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
