I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
