id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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