I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
