I wanna bring you to show and tell
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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