I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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