I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
