Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
