but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
