Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
