You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
