I just saw a hot homeless man
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
