Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
