saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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