Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
