and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
