Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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