I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
