It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
