God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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