whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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