My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
