Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dick very happy bro
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
