I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
