thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
