i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
