So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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