Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
