dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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