I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I deserve this hangover.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
