Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
