NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
