Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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