My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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