This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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