so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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