An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
