dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
