I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
