I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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