the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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