And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
