Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
