I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
