Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
